“When I am afraid, I put my trust in You.”
It’s one of the most discouraging emotions that can take hold of a person’s heart and mind. Creating scenarios that don’t exist. Imagining the worst in situations. The actual definition describes fear as an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat. Unpleasant emotion? Feels more like bricks in my stomach or needles in my neck if you ask me.
Sometimes fear can be seen as a good thing because it puts us in a place of caution. We don’t do the craziest of things sometimes because we know that something bad could possibly happen (hello! swimming with sharks). But there is another fear that rears its ugly head and it does not cause us to be cautious but rather it cripples us from moving forward at all.
This year I have faced a fear that I didn’t even know existed in me. Since I got saved almost 15 years ago I have been pretty fearless in what the Lord has called me to do. I have shared messages to large crowds when I had a fear of public speaking. I traveled to a foreign country with a group of people I barely knew to minister in small villages. The list could go on. I truly lived fearlessly.
But this past year as I started to see and hear people talk about registering and taking their kids to school – a fear I never felt gripped my heart. I am a momma bear to the fullest and my kids are my pride and joy. When I started to think about enrolling my kids in school my mind went a little haywire.
I watch the news and read a lot of crazy articles all the time. I am a huge fan of Law & Order -SVU. Once when I was pregnant I read an article on kidnapping of babies from hospitals. Not a good idea at all. You see my Sammy is totally social and loves making friends. He is fun loving and has such a good heart. So this has nothing to do with him whatsoever. The craziest thoughts started to come to my mind about him going to school though. What if the teacher isn’t caring? What if the kids are mean? What if there is a bad person around? What if he falls and scrapes his knees and cries and no one is there to hug and comfort him? What if there is an earthquake, would I get there fast enough? I even thought I need to get a job at his school so I can keep an eye on him. Crazy right? Over and over I kept playing all these scenarios of the “what ifs” and it was crippling me. My fear was holding him back from growing.
I knew this wasn’t of God, yet I allowed the thoughts to manifest. Sammy would ask me about school and I would brush it off. People would ask me about enrolling him and I would say I’m looking into it. In my mind I felt I was protecting him but the reality was I was protecting myself.
I didn’t want to feel this way anymore and I cried out to God asking for help.
I’m so thankful that He is a loving and caring God. As I was praying and worshiping He showed me the scene where He calls Peter out to the boat. I’ve always looked at this scene as Peter taking his eyes off the Lord and sinking. His lack of faith and his fear of circumstances caused him to lose focus. But God showed me something a little different this time. He showed me Peter taking that step – and the Lord already knowing that Peter had fear but asking him to take it anyways.
And even though Peter began to sink, God was right there to lift him up.To help him. To see him through the failing and the falling. And he reminded me that it would be OK. He said fear not for I am WITH you. He doesn’t say fear not – bad things won’t happen to you. He says that if (or when) they do happen that he would be right there to lift me – and my children up. He cares deeply about us and will be right there with us through it all.
By then I was ugly crying because it was something I already knew for myself but somehow didn’t grasp for my own children. I entitled this blog “Fear Less” rather than “Fearless” because that is the place I am in right now. I am learning to fear less and to trust God more. I know He has amazing plans for my children and their future and one day I will have to fully release them into it. To their calling. To their spouses. Whatever it may be. I have to prepare and pray for them NOW and trust that God will take care of my babies more than I ever could.
“I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears”
We all have fears. Yours may look very different than mine. It could be …
- Trusting again.
- Loving again.
- Taking the first step in a new direction.
- Going for that dream.
- Making that move.
- and so much more…
Only you know what it is and you know if you are allowing it to cripple your growth. To keep you stuck whether it is spiritually, physically or mentally. Facing your fears is not easy but there is so much freedom in doing so.
Trust me, although you may feel alone in your fears, you are not. I encourage you to allow God into that situation. Get rid of all the negative and fill your heart and mind with His word and His promises. For myself, I am going to lay off the SVU and unsolved mysteries. I know the world is crazy but I also know My God is great, so I need to focus on that more than anything. There may not be an overnight change but as you (and I) begin to trust God more I guarantee we will begin to fear that thing a lot less.
“When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.”